Many of us have been there – either as the parent doing the asking, or the neighbor, relative, or partner who’s getting the sales pitch.

My kid’s (insert a throng, club, activity here) is selling (candy, cookie dough, wrapping document, bed mattresses) to assist pay (for a trip, recent equipment, etc).

Can you assist by spending way more than this item is worth so a tiny portion can leave to our throng and my kid can triumph a prize that they so desperately desire, but will toss aside probably in a few weeks?

Welcome back to Uncomfortable Conversations About Money, a recurring series where we will tackle challenging topics or situations around money that make you uneasy. We’ll outline the issue and try to get you some usable solutions.

Would you like to buy something?

The dilemma: Yes, I was a bit tongue-in-cheek there, but so many of us recognize this endless plea. As parents, we feel guilty bringing in the order form to the office or posting about it on social media. Or we inspire the kids to leave door-to-door, or to receive the order form to an occurrence with friends and household, to politely do the awkward inquire.

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Don’t get me incorrect. Often, these pool-raisers assist organizations with great projects. When I was discussing this topic with a few colleagues, one said she didn’t desire to discount the excellent and require for some of these efforts. One she was familiar with helped pool a throng that preserved Native Hawaiian population, a factor that badly needed more financial back, she said.

But there’s still the net income reality that those fundraisers can add up, and strain your apportionment.

So how can parents handle years of these pool-raisers for their kids, especially when they have multiple kids and multiple activities and limited friends and household willing to assist?

And what about the friends and household who are on the receiving complete? Is there a courteous way to declare no or limit what you consent to buy without seeming like a cheapskate?

Prioritize the inquire

The advice: My specialist for this month is Julie Williams, a certified financial planner with WealthSpire Advisors in Delafield, Wisconsin. Williams is also the mother of an grown-up son who had many donation collection asks, and the wife of a high school educator who gets lots of requests from various fundraisers.

Williams said she and her husband asked their son to choose the one or two teams or organizations that were the most significant to him when he was asking people for contributions, and those would be the ones he would participate in.

“That way we weren’t asking everybody for everything,” Williams said. “It was a excellent way for us to remain concentrated. Also, if he didn’t worry, then why should I? They sent home all the information to the parents, but if he wasn’t interested in donation collection, then I shouldn’t be interested in donation collection for him.”

Williams also made her son do the asking. If he wanted to leave to her office, Williams would receive him in.

“We benevolent of made him have a little script in terms of what is he asking, why is he asking, what does the money do,” she said.

Williams feels like having her son gain the skills to talk to adults – and face rejection – were excellent lessons.

“So now as an grown-up, as a 24-year-ancient, he can walk up to somebody, knows to look him in the eye, knows to have a rationale for asking for something. And even when somebody says no, he knows how to graciously declare, thank you for listening to me. Thank you for considering what we’re doing, and walk away,” she said.

You can’t declare yes to everyone

When it comes to the endless requests that Williams said she and her husband get from friends, household and students, they have a first-arrive, first-served-type way.

“My husband’s an educator, and so being asked that question is pretty ordinary. Every learner is involved in every throng and they all inquire their teachers,” she said. “So in our house, it’s the first person who asks (who) gets the order and that way, we’re not feeling impoverished about not saying yes to everybody or having to choose who we declare yes to.”

There may be an occasional second box of cookies purchased if the request comes after the first box ordered was eaten, Williams said. But otherwise, they stick to their rules.

“As much as we all desire to, we really can’t afford to declare yes to everything and also achieve our goals and dreams that we have for ourselves,” she said.

Williams advises putting a limit on the money used to back donation collection events for kids, grandkids, nieces, nephews and neighbors.

People can also choose one activity per kid they desire to back, which also helps the kid decide what is most significant, she said.

What’s a gracious way to declare no?

There are always ways to turn down the request. A few enjoyable ways to declare no, Williams said, are: “Thank you. I really like that you’re doing this. I just don’t have the money to back that correct now. Or I’ve chosen to back another organization and I was already asked.”

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Hearing no can also be a learning chance for the learner, Williams said.

“No is an respond and they have to discover how to listen no as well as how to declare no,” she said. “If they listen it beautifully from an grown-up that they’ve asked the question, that teaches them how to declare no when they’re asked.”

A note for parents

Finally, Williams said it’s significant for parents not to let themselves feel bullied into donation collection on behalf of their kids.

“We have to choose our battles,” she said. “We have to choose our path where we desire to throw our back.”

We desire to listen from you

Do you have an Uncomfortable Conversations about Money topic you’d like to recommend? Or would you be willing to be featured in a narrative about your Uncomfortable exchange? Email [email protected] with “Uncomfortable Conversations” in the subject line. 

Here are a few upcoming topics. Do you desire to distribute your Uncomfortable exchange about it?

Have you loaned money to a partner, or paid for a partner’s meal or night out with the commitment to get paid back, but you’re still waiting? Has it soured your companionship?

Have you received a holiday gift from someone and you weren’t prepared to reciprocate? How did you feel and what did you do?

What do you do when your spouse’s ex asks for money?

Betty Lin-Fisher is a buyer reporter for USA TODAY. Reach her at [email protected] or pursue her on X, Facebook or Instagram @blinfisher. Sign up for our free The Daily Money newsletter, which will include buyer information on Fridays,here.